This would be that "career" thing I've heard so much about...

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Proper Care And Feeding Of Your Bachelorette

Here are some tasks to keep your Bachelorette occupied.  Keep in mind, the higher the number, the more alcohol will have been consumed.  Also, it's good to do these sorts of things in a gigantic, packed, restaurant / bar / dance club.  Preferably one with the male to female ratio of 3/1.
1) Find a man with the same name as your fella.
2) Find a man wearing white socks and kiss him on the cheek. (Look, there have to be some "easy" ones.)
3) Find a man with the same shoe size as your fella.
4) Pick out a cute guy and guess "boxers" or "briefs" - extra points if he shows 'em!
5) Get a man to buy you a drink.
6) Get a man to serenade you (and if you're extremely gifted at this you'll have half the restaurant / bar singing "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" at the top of their lungs)
7) Wearing BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK, kiss 15 men on the cheek (must leave your mark) in 5 minutes!
8) Get down and dirty on a bottle of beer (or Smirnoff Ice, whatever's your pleasure) (best if most of the restaurant is watching this).
9) Find a guy willing to let you do a "blow job" shot.
10) Find a guy willing to give you the condom from his wallet.  Blow it up at the table.
11) Find a divorced man willing to tell you three things not to do while having sex (not as easy as you might think).
12) Find 3 cute guys, get them to write down the size of their (ahems) and sign their names (be prepared for some creative answers) (warning - as this is into the later part of the evening you might get a show-and-tell)
13) Give a guy a lap dance (at least 45 seconds) and get him to pay you a dollar.
It's also nice to give your bachelorette a little "gift" after each of her tasks is successfully completed.  It's even nicer when these gifts can add to the evening by helping make your bachelorette more distinctive.  Once again, it helps to start off with the easier items so she has something to "graduate" to when the time is right:
"Princess" Hat
Garter (fits nicely over jeans - and becomes a handy place for dollar bills to be earned later)
Pacifier (you must look closely to notice its special difference)
Lacy tie-on bra (fits nicely over tank top)
Lacy tie-on undies (fits nicely over jeans)
Devin Horns (to replace "Princess")

One more tip, don't have anything major planned for the following day.



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